Transform Tuesday -- DIY Chore Chart

We had 4 kids in 4.5 years.  The oldest just turned 7 and the youngest is 2.5 years.  If I am not organized, our home is pure chaos.  A couple of years ago I made a chore chart for the two oldest.  It worked well and served its purpose.  However, it was out dated and only had spots for 2 kids to do chores.  I think even the littlest kids are capable of helping, so we start them off with simple tasks at a pretty young age.  I needed a long term chore chart that could accommodate 4 kids and that could be changed as necessary.  I spent a lot of time thinking and researching before I finally settled on a plan.  Then I tweaked it to fit our needs.

Here is the Before:

Here is the After:

I used a magnetic dry erase board that we got from Costco.  We actually got it for something else, but didn't need it anymore.

I bought this chore chart clipart.  Since we don't have a color printer, I printed them in black and white and then colored them myself.  I laminated them and then put magnet stickers on the back.

I bought these stickers to put on these magnets.  Now each of my kids has their own color.  We already do the color thing for dishes, utensils, and cups, so the kids know which color is theirs.

I also found these super cute day of the week magnets on clearance at Walmart and they fit perfectly. 

Lastly, I drew lines on the dry-erase board.  I thought about using vinyl and cutting strips to make the grid, but I didn't want to take the time.  I may go back and do it later though. 

And there you have it.  An easy to follow Chore Chart for multiple kids to use at the same time.

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Really great advice

The other day we were at the store with all 4 kids.  It wasn't just any store, it was Costco and it was way too close to Christmas.  To say that there were a lot of people there would be an understatement.  It was jam packed!!  It wouldn't have been a big deal, or even worth mentioning except for the fact that 75% of my children were crying/whining/begging for something/complaining because they weren't getting it.  I love it when they are like that.  I wish I could said that I took it as an opportunity to recognize them as a blessing, but I'd be lying.

I was trying very hard to have a conversation with my husband about whether or not to buy a GPS (no we still don't have one), but I couldn't even hear him becuase my little beauties were being so awesome.  Do I even need to mention all of the comments from bystanders about how horrid my kids were and what great parents we weren't?  Of course not.  We'll just leave that part out.

Then this old couple walked by.  The grandma (she must have been a grandma because she wasn't shooting me dirty looks) said, "Aren't you lucky to have so many kids?"  I shot her the "Are you serious?" look and she winked at me and said, "Of course you are!  You have music wherever you go!"  That was all it took!  I immediately started laughing which made my kids stop crying/whining/begging/complaining and laugh too.  They had no idea what they were laughing at, but it didn't matter.  We were in the middle of Costco laughing about how blessed we are to be a family and my heart was full to overflowing.  All I can say is bless her.  Bless her for being kind and genuine to a perfect stranger in need.  I hope I can be more like her when I grow up.

The Five Love Languages for Children

I read this book a little while ago and I LOVED it.  I can't believe how helpful it has been in improving my interactions with my children!

Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a love languages book for couples and I read that this summer.  It was really a good read and very eye opening.  I reviewed it here.  At the end of the book he has a chapter about how the love languages relate to children.  I was very intrigued.  Then I found out that he teamed up with Dr. Ross Campbell to write one for children and I was so excited.

The concept is the same.  Everyone has a "love tank" and when our love tank is full, we are happy and feel fulfilled.  When our love tank is empty, we feel unhappy and unfulfilled.  Each person speaks a particular "love language" and in order to make sure those close to us have full love tanks, we have to know what their love language is and then speak it to them.  There are 5 love languages...Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, and Acts of Service.

The difference comes in how children handle themselves when their love tanks aren't full.  As adults, we can talk about how we are feeling or try and change it.  As children, they know they don't feel happy or loved, but they don't know why or what to do about it.  So, they misbehave hoping that the attention they will get will help to fill their love tanks.  Drs. Chapman and Campbell believe that if a child's love tank is full, their "problems" will become significantly less.  They are still children and so will still act like children, but the tantrums, outbursts, hitting/any other physical form of violence, excessive crying, excessive clinginess, etc will diminish or go away when the child feels they are truly loved.  They also say that as parents, we are responsible for filling their love tanks.  It means the difference in having a well-adjusted happy child, or the opposite.

Reading this book made perfect sense to me.  It helped me figure out what my kids' primary love languages are.  I have to say, some were quite obvious, and others were not.  Once I knew what each of my kids needed, I decided to experiment with it.  I have been making a conscious effort to talk to my kids in their love languages for the last month.  I can't even believe the difference in each of them!  It is unreal.  They weren't ever "bad" kids, but they each have definitely had their moments.  Within a week each of them was more playful, easier to talk to, and more likely to do what I ask them without any resistance.  I also learned that some languages are easier for me to talk than others and that I need to be very aware of that when interacting with my children.  The really amazing thing is that I have recently seen my children take my lead when they interact with each other.  They are treating each other the way they see me treating them.  It is truly amazing and I am indebted to these men for writing this book and explaining a concept that can quite simply change a person's life.

I highly, HIGHLY recommend it.

P.S.  Don't forget my Hooded Towel Giveaway.  It ends tomorrow so hurry and enter...tell your friends.

"Positive Parenting with the Gold Standard"

Have you ever had one of those moments as a parent when you have had enough and you just want to quit?  I definitely have.  Several months ago I had a whole week of days like that and I was desperate.  I finally got the dishes washed and laundry folded and decided that something had to change or I just wasn't going to make it.  It was past midnight and I sat down to the computer to look up parenting advice.

Now, I love to read and read a lot.  When I was pregnant, I read everything about pregnancy that I could get my hands on.  When I had a newborn I read everything about newborns.  With each new phase, I have done the same.  So trust me when I say I have read a LOT of parenting books.  All of them had good ideas, and some of them even worked, but none of them "fixed" my parenting dilemmas.

I realize that parenting has its ups and downs.  I think it is compounded when you have multiples or lots of kids close together (like me).  It is especially hard when your kids are little and aren't able to communicate very well.  Add the lack of sleep that accompanies being a mom to young kids, and it is a recipe for hard times.

This particular night I found something that intrigued me.  It is an e-book written by a woman named Wendy Jensen called "Positive Parenting with the Gold Standard".  She has 7, yes 7 children, and she said that by following the techniques in her book, you could parent your children without yelling, spanking, nagging, or time outs.  As soon as I read that, I was sold.  The book cost just under $25 if I remember correctly and I was able to download it immediately.

She uses a ticket system for rewards and punishments.  If you do what you are supposed to, you earn tickets.  If you don't do what you are supposed to, you loose tickets.  You can use your tickets to play on the computer or have special one-on-one time with mom or dad, or any other number of things.  It makes the child responsible for themselves and allows the parents to guide their children instead of being the "good guy" or the "bad guy".

I loved everything about the book and was convinced that we had to try it.  I knew that B and C wouldn't be able to do it, but I thought for sure that E and J could.  I took a couple of days to digest it all and to make our tickets.  Then we started.  After about a week and a half, I mournfully realized that my E and J just didn't seem to get it.  The concept was a little too old for them and I was disappointed.   However, I knew it was a good idea and so we put it away for when they were a little older.

A couple of months later E came home from school talking about "bucket fillers" and "bucket dippers".  She told me that when you do something nice for people you are filling their buckets and when you do something mean you are dipping from their buckets.  In a matter of days, my 3 oldest children were all about being bucket fillers instead of bucket dippers.  I was amazed.

I emailed E's teacher and asked her what E was talking about. She told me about a book called, "Have You Filled a Bucket Today: A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids ", by Carol McCloud.  It is geared at school age children and it gives them a visual concept of how to be nice to people.

A few days later I saw our tickets from "Positive Parenting" and wondered if we got some buckets to put them in if my kids would get it.  I got some buckets (thanks to a friend who found them at the hardware store) and it worked!!!

Here is a picture of our buckets with the tickets inside.  I wrote the kid's names on them with a permanent marker, and they do really well with it.  Of course there are still moments when things don't go well, but I have been really happy with it.  It does take effort on my part.  I have to be consistent for it to work, but isn't that how everything goes with parenting?